On the lighter side:

The Twelve “Early Promises” of Alcoholics Anonymous
You will know your full name and address.
You will be able to shave yourself.
You will be able to dress and undress yourself at the appropriate time and place.
You will, at all times, know the city, state, and country you are in.
You will routinely be able to find matching socks.
You will be able to smoke if you wish, without burning holes in your clothes and the furniture.
You will lose the fear of food.
You will spend less time in the bathroom.
You will be able to walk a straight line and pass the balloon test.
You will lose the fear of police cars in your rear view mirror.
You will be able to answer the doorbell without looking through the keyhole first.
You will realize what a mess you have been and thank God for AA and Al-Anon.

And then,

The Real Twelve Rewards Of the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous
Faith instead of Despair;
Courage instead of Fear;
Hope instead of Desperation;
Piece of Mind instead of Confusion;
Real Friendships instead of Loneliness;
Self-respect instead of Self-contempt;
Self-confidence instead of Helplessness;
A Clean Conscience instead of a Sense of Guilt;
The Respect of Others instead of their Pity and Contempt;
A Clean Pattern of Living instead of a Purposeless Existence;
The Love and Understanding of our Families instead of their Doubts and Fears;
The Freedom of a Happy Life instead of the Bondage of an Alcoholic Obsession.

These were presented by Searcy W. at the 2000 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous in Minneapolis. He joined AA in 1946.