This is to my wife and children but I would like to share it with all. I am a 48 year old Alaskan man. I have been spiritually unfit most of my life and hooked on alcohol and drugs for over 32 years. Alcohol took away the pain and I thought with 'speed' I would find Utopia. God, I was wrong. All I found was misery, not just for me, but also for my grandparents, mother, father, wife, and children. Who am I kidding – I hurt everyone around me. The hurt and devastation I caused still overwhelms me. Sometimes I caused great pain.

My mother – God bless her – did everything a human could possibly do. She found a good spiritual program and we moved out to the Bush. In that village, she started working for the Alcohol Program, but I just did not get it; I started drinking heavily. I was 14 the first time I poisoned my system so badly they had to rush me to the hospital and it wasn't long after that I was right back at it. By the time I was 17, I was in the hospital three times with Hepatitis; my liver all but failed completely. When I got married, it just got worse. It cost me that marriage to a wife I still love to this day – and three girls I love very much.  

I am remarried now, but I have not seen my wife in three years because I finally got arrested because of my drinking and drugs. In these three years, I prayed to God to keep my wife and me together and it didn't look possible. That is where things began to change. I know most people will not understand what I am about to say, but maybe some will.

At first, when I got arrested, I felt real bad for me and I asked God to take away the pain I felt, you know. I was sent to a work camp where I could study and work on my spiritual side of things, but I still had a lot of pain. I did not ever learn to live without getting drunk or high to deal with it. Then I got sent to a treatment program where I got to work on some issues, but most of all, I got a real seed planted. I had been around Al-Anon and A.A. all my life and chose to ignore it. But after treatment, I went to as many meetings as possible and I wasn't finding what I was looking for. Then, at a meeting one night, I met a gentleman [fellow] who said he would be willing to be my sponsor. He said the first thing I needed to do was read the "Doctor's Opinion" in the front of the Big Book, then I was to call him and we would talk. He even gave me a dollar for the pay phone because I am in a Halfway House.

I've got to tell you that I struggled with that reading, but when I finished, we talked a little and he said "I want you to read 'Bill's Story'." Well, I told him I was having trouble reading my little Big Book. The next day, he brought me a big print Study Book and he filled out the paperwork so we could go out to meetings together. The reading started getting easier and things started to change in me. My prayers became the most important thing to me. I worked the 12 Steps with him, we started a big book meeting at the Halfway House that I am in, and then helping others became important to me. I pray morning, noon and night and things are getting better because now God tells me to help others.

Together, we started another meeting and I am happy today. I have hit some rough spots in the road, but I use them to 12-Step others and, in return, that has helped me. Now, I go to a lot of Big Book meetings plus the ones that we started to share with others.  

What I have found is that there is a difference between just going to church and really working a spiritual program. A good start to a spiritual program is the Big Book, the 12 Steps, and – in my case – a prayer book. God will do for you what you can't do for yourself. He did for me and still each and every day I notice a miracle working in my life. Now I understand what they mean catapulted [not rocketed] into "the fourth dimension of existence".

If there is recovery for me, then I can guarantee there can be recovery for you. Just pick up the Big Book and a good sponsor, work those 12 Steps, and see what can happen for you!